Finn has 3 words in his language repertoire. Aside from their somewhat pornographic connotations, these are the words we say repetitively and in direct correlation to his actions. As a result, this is the birth of his vocab.
1. Wow: everything in his world is new, so when he discovers a brick and can't quite believe his luck, we try to emulate his genuine enthusiasm and hope he buys that we are equally amazed at such a find. 2. Hot: It is a constant mission of Finn's to immerse his hand in boiling coffee or tea - he remains unconvinced of the dangers that lurk in every cup. And finally, 3. Dirty: Finn loves to peer inside the toilet bowl, suck on shoes, stick his hand into the dustbin or put stones, ants, old chewing gum or cigarette butts into his mouth. We are constantly yelling, "NO! DIRTY!" Never moreso than at the Animal Farm recently when we turned to find him sucking on the bars of the pigs pen.
His mouth acts as a filter between him and everything else. Whatever can fit into his gaping maw goes in. We went camping recently and the kid was like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors; devouring leaves, mud, olives, donkey poo and charcoal. He also morphed into Baby Godzilla yanking on tent poles and guy ropes, thundering around in trackie pants and blue stokies. He abandoned day sleeps and opted instead for 12 hour wake-marathons which left me frazzled, every nerve on a knifes edge, ready to slay the first person who so much as looked at me skeef. Luckily on this earthly plane we have grapes, and when he finally collapsed from exhaustion, I happily tucked into a bottle of the fermented kind called Chardonnay.
1. Wow: everything in his world is new, so when he discovers a brick and can't quite believe his luck, we try to emulate his genuine enthusiasm and hope he buys that we are equally amazed at such a find. 2. Hot: It is a constant mission of Finn's to immerse his hand in boiling coffee or tea - he remains unconvinced of the dangers that lurk in every cup. And finally, 3. Dirty: Finn loves to peer inside the toilet bowl, suck on shoes, stick his hand into the dustbin or put stones, ants, old chewing gum or cigarette butts into his mouth. We are constantly yelling, "NO! DIRTY!" Never moreso than at the Animal Farm recently when we turned to find him sucking on the bars of the pigs pen.
His mouth acts as a filter between him and everything else. Whatever can fit into his gaping maw goes in. We went camping recently and the kid was like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors; devouring leaves, mud, olives, donkey poo and charcoal. He also morphed into Baby Godzilla yanking on tent poles and guy ropes, thundering around in trackie pants and blue stokies. He abandoned day sleeps and opted instead for 12 hour wake-marathons which left me frazzled, every nerve on a knifes edge, ready to slay the first person who so much as looked at me skeef. Luckily on this earthly plane we have grapes, and when he finally collapsed from exhaustion, I happily tucked into a bottle of the fermented kind called Chardonnay.
Do whatever works I say; some mothers might call that irresponsible, I call it survival.
Allow me to introduce the elephant in the room: Mothers in Combat. Gangs of women who think they're better than the next because of the choices they make in raising their children. The competition for which there is no winner.
Allow me to introduce the elephant in the room: Mothers in Combat. Gangs of women who think they're better than the next because of the choices they make in raising their children. The competition for which there is no winner.
The breastfeeders vs the formula feeders, the co-sleepers vs the non co-sleepers, attachment parenting vs. non-attachment parenting, the no-cry method vs. the Ferber method, the natural birthers vs. the C-Sectioners - a woman gives birth naturally and suddenly she is elevated to earth-mother status and all those lowly C-sectioners should grovel and bow at her feet in godly reverence; not before hearing of course that having a ceasarian is BAD for the baby you BAD mother. (I opted for a natural birth but Finn had to be yanked out with forceps, let me tell you, there was absolutely bugger all 'natural' about that violent, blood-soaked scenario). And let's not even mention the word vaccines too loudly for fear of inciting war.
Parenting chat rooms and discussion forums are rife with it; in this arena mothers have free rein to judge, villify, attack and undermine the choices of other (mostly vulnerable) women seeking advice and guidance. Yet even closer to home you can find gossiping and malicious chit-chat, friends and family who skinner or say hurtful things about you. This can paralyse your confidence and leave you floundering in a river of doubt. My personal favourite is the moms who wile away their hours on the internet, flouting pseudo-scienctific nonsense on anything & everything. Out pops baby and in pops a masters degree in childcare, from the University of the World Wide Web.
It happens but it's wrong, because here's the kicker. Regardless of what Its Royal Omnipotence, Google, might tell you, Formula is not made of poison, battery acid or mercury; Purity will not give your baby ADHD, Aspergers or a third head; homeschooling your kid will not turn them into a hopeless imbecile and useless to humanity forever; feeding your child organic Quinoa from the seeds of a Shaman-blessed sapling will not render it a genius or immortal. You gave birth to a baby, not a unicorn.
It grinds my gears like nothing ever will. All new parents are clueless and fuck up constantly. A third party is not required to remind you of your uselessness! We already live in a bottomless guilt-pit how much more punishment is necessary?
The crux of the matter is this: if you love your child that is enough. Whatever decisions you make based on this premise alone, are the right ones. End of story.
The crux of the matter is this: if you love your child that is enough. Whatever decisions you make based on this premise alone, are the right ones. End of story.
