Forgive the schmaltz that oozes off this page but I feel I owe it to Mike and Finn to publically declare their awesomeness. I want to reveal the tender and knee-buckling love I have for them amidst all the confusion (and sometimes despair) of being a mother.
In life one tends to have preconceived ideas about things, especially when it comes to 'love and eternal happiness'. (We also have these beliefs about motherhood but that is an entry for another day). As we grow up we hope these ideas bear fruit and that they become more than just whimsical fantasies. Hollywood, in its infinite wisdom, has reinforced our idealistic notions of relationships by selling us the love construct with all its Jennifer Aniston rom-com schtick. The majority of us know a far more agonising reality.
After being dumped, for example, I have never had a guy stand outside my window, stereo aloft, begging me to come back. Nor have I had a man burst into a room to publically announce that 'I complete him'. No.
I was the one buried in a pile of tissues, face down on the floor with No Doubt's 'Don't Speak' on repeat. The demise of every relationship was like being hit by a truck, without the luxury of actually dying. At the not-so-tender age of 32 I caught the proverbial wake up. I had been conned; this 'happy ever after' was an ad, a marketing ploy, a sneaky PR campaign and nothing more. It didn't really exist.
So you can imagine my surprise when in September 2007 a serendipitous encounter on the side of a road in Mozambique changed the course of my life and all my previous misgivings about love, forever. Driving to Ponta d'Oura with friends I see a guy who's car is bogged down in the sand. Alone on a solitary surfing mission it turns out, we decide spontaneously to stop and help him. We tow him all the way into Ponta and now we have a son together.
The pair of them embody all that is right with the world (although not always simultaneously). I have big, fat, elephant-sized love for these boys - I adore them with a hugeness that could squash the whole planet. Finn is besotted with his dad and when his baby face lights up as Mike walks in the room, I want to faint with gratitude. They are magnificent beings and their relationship is gorgeous.
I count the blessings for having this in my life, every day. The intensity of motherhood is chronic and unrelenting but having Mike's support allows for Finn to get the best of me. So indestructible is the bond between father and son though, that Finn doesn't need all of me, and that is the holy grail right there. It means there is space for me to breathe, that I can watch proudly from a distance as they do their thing, Finn refusing to even acknowledge my presence during his 'dad and me' time. He's only 1 but he has chosen his hero.
To Mike's credit, he has forged this magnetic attraction through dedication and hard work. Since Finn emerged bloody and bewildered from the womb, Mike has been his greatest advocate and has involved himself in every detail of his care. He has bathed with his son every night since the beginning - as a result, bathtime remains one of Finn's favourite activities (Mike is infinitely more adept at sinking the plastic balls into the mini basketball hoop - I basically suck at that). In the mornings, our baby has a mini meltdown as Mike leaves for work and in the evenings, when his familiar form appears in the doorway, Finn literally falls over himself running to the door. Ante-natal classes, baby books, nappies, night feedings, story time, tears, tantrums, animal noises, doctors, nursery rhymes, Mommy's angst and more - Mike has committed himself to all of these steps with dedication and integrity.
This reliable foundation is turning our son into a confident, brave and independent little man - he relishes life and loves people, grinning widely and with a fullness of heart at absolutely everybody. His energy is like the gravitational pull of a planet and strangers are constantly drawn in, melting visibly as they reach out to fold him into their outstretched arms. He is also fearless, bouyed on by the confidence Mike instills in him and more profoundly, the trust that his Dad is there for him.
To insist that these personality traits are all Nature and no Nurture, is to deny Mike the most fundamental truth: that his dedication to his little boy is helping raise a man.
In life one tends to have preconceived ideas about things, especially when it comes to 'love and eternal happiness'. (We also have these beliefs about motherhood but that is an entry for another day). As we grow up we hope these ideas bear fruit and that they become more than just whimsical fantasies. Hollywood, in its infinite wisdom, has reinforced our idealistic notions of relationships by selling us the love construct with all its Jennifer Aniston rom-com schtick. The majority of us know a far more agonising reality.
After being dumped, for example, I have never had a guy stand outside my window, stereo aloft, begging me to come back. Nor have I had a man burst into a room to publically announce that 'I complete him'. No.
I was the one buried in a pile of tissues, face down on the floor with No Doubt's 'Don't Speak' on repeat. The demise of every relationship was like being hit by a truck, without the luxury of actually dying. At the not-so-tender age of 32 I caught the proverbial wake up. I had been conned; this 'happy ever after' was an ad, a marketing ploy, a sneaky PR campaign and nothing more. It didn't really exist.
So you can imagine my surprise when in September 2007 a serendipitous encounter on the side of a road in Mozambique changed the course of my life and all my previous misgivings about love, forever. Driving to Ponta d'Oura with friends I see a guy who's car is bogged down in the sand. Alone on a solitary surfing mission it turns out, we decide spontaneously to stop and help him. We tow him all the way into Ponta and now we have a son together.
The pair of them embody all that is right with the world (although not always simultaneously). I have big, fat, elephant-sized love for these boys - I adore them with a hugeness that could squash the whole planet. Finn is besotted with his dad and when his baby face lights up as Mike walks in the room, I want to faint with gratitude. They are magnificent beings and their relationship is gorgeous.
I count the blessings for having this in my life, every day. The intensity of motherhood is chronic and unrelenting but having Mike's support allows for Finn to get the best of me. So indestructible is the bond between father and son though, that Finn doesn't need all of me, and that is the holy grail right there. It means there is space for me to breathe, that I can watch proudly from a distance as they do their thing, Finn refusing to even acknowledge my presence during his 'dad and me' time. He's only 1 but he has chosen his hero.
To Mike's credit, he has forged this magnetic attraction through dedication and hard work. Since Finn emerged bloody and bewildered from the womb, Mike has been his greatest advocate and has involved himself in every detail of his care. He has bathed with his son every night since the beginning - as a result, bathtime remains one of Finn's favourite activities (Mike is infinitely more adept at sinking the plastic balls into the mini basketball hoop - I basically suck at that). In the mornings, our baby has a mini meltdown as Mike leaves for work and in the evenings, when his familiar form appears in the doorway, Finn literally falls over himself running to the door. Ante-natal classes, baby books, nappies, night feedings, story time, tears, tantrums, animal noises, doctors, nursery rhymes, Mommy's angst and more - Mike has committed himself to all of these steps with dedication and integrity.
This reliable foundation is turning our son into a confident, brave and independent little man - he relishes life and loves people, grinning widely and with a fullness of heart at absolutely everybody. His energy is like the gravitational pull of a planet and strangers are constantly drawn in, melting visibly as they reach out to fold him into their outstretched arms. He is also fearless, bouyed on by the confidence Mike instills in him and more profoundly, the trust that his Dad is there for him.
To insist that these personality traits are all Nature and no Nurture, is to deny Mike the most fundamental truth: that his dedication to his little boy is helping raise a man.
