Forgive the schmaltz that oozes off this page but I feel I owe it to Mike and Finn to publically declare their awesomeness. I want to reveal the tender and knee-buckling love I have for them amidst all the confusion (and sometimes despair) of being a mother.
In life one tends to have preconceived ideas about things, especially when it comes to 'love and eternal happiness'. (We also have these beliefs about motherhood but that is an entry for another day). As we grow up we hope these ideas bear fruit and that they become more than just whimsical fantasies. Hollywood, in its infinite wisdom, has reinforced our idealistic notions of relationships by selling us the love construct with all its Jennifer Aniston rom-com schtick. The majority of us know a far more agonising reality.
After being dumped, for example, I have never had a guy stand outside my window, stereo aloft, begging me to come back. Nor have I had a man burst into a room to publically announce that 'I complete him'. No.
I was the one buried in a pile of tissues, face down on the floor with No Doubt's 'Don't Speak' on repeat. The demise of every relationship was like being hit by a truck, without the luxury of actually dying. At the not-so-tender age of 32 I caught the proverbial wake up. I had been conned; this 'happy ever after' was an ad, a marketing ploy, a sneaky PR campaign and nothing more. It didn't really exist.
So you can imagine my surprise when in September 2007 a serendipitous encounter on the side of a road in Mozambique changed the course of my life and all my previous misgivings about love, forever. Driving to Ponta d'Oura with friends I see a guy who's car is bogged down in the sand. Alone on a solitary surfing mission it turns out, we decide spontaneously to stop and help him. We tow him all the way into Ponta and now we have a son together.
The pair of them embody all that is right with the world (although not always simultaneously). I have big, fat, elephant-sized love for these boys - I adore them with a hugeness that could squash the whole planet. Finn is besotted with his dad and when his baby face lights up as Mike walks in the room, I want to faint with gratitude. They are magnificent beings and their relationship is gorgeous.
I count the blessings for having this in my life, every day. The intensity of motherhood is chronic and unrelenting but having Mike's support allows for Finn to get the best of me. So indestructible is the bond between father and son though, that Finn doesn't need all of me, and that is the holy grail right there. It means there is space for me to breathe, that I can watch proudly from a distance as they do their thing, Finn refusing to even acknowledge my presence during his 'dad and me' time. He's only 1 but he has chosen his hero.
To Mike's credit, he has forged this magnetic attraction through dedication and hard work. Since Finn emerged bloody and bewildered from the womb, Mike has been his greatest advocate and has involved himself in every detail of his care. He has bathed with his son every night since the beginning - as a result, bathtime remains one of Finn's favourite activities (Mike is infinitely more adept at sinking the plastic balls into the mini basketball hoop - I basically suck at that). In the mornings, our baby has a mini meltdown as Mike leaves for work and in the evenings, when his familiar form appears in the doorway, Finn literally falls over himself running to the door. Ante-natal classes, baby books, nappies, night feedings, story time, tears, tantrums, animal noises, doctors, nursery rhymes, Mommy's angst and more - Mike has committed himself to all of these steps with dedication and integrity.
This reliable foundation is turning our son into a confident, brave and independent little man - he relishes life and loves people, grinning widely and with a fullness of heart at absolutely everybody. His energy is like the gravitational pull of a planet and strangers are constantly drawn in, melting visibly as they reach out to fold him into their outstretched arms. He is also fearless, bouyed on by the confidence Mike instills in him and more profoundly, the trust that his Dad is there for him.
To insist that these personality traits are all Nature and no Nurture, is to deny Mike the most fundamental truth: that his dedication to his little boy is helping raise a man.
In life one tends to have preconceived ideas about things, especially when it comes to 'love and eternal happiness'. (We also have these beliefs about motherhood but that is an entry for another day). As we grow up we hope these ideas bear fruit and that they become more than just whimsical fantasies. Hollywood, in its infinite wisdom, has reinforced our idealistic notions of relationships by selling us the love construct with all its Jennifer Aniston rom-com schtick. The majority of us know a far more agonising reality.
After being dumped, for example, I have never had a guy stand outside my window, stereo aloft, begging me to come back. Nor have I had a man burst into a room to publically announce that 'I complete him'. No.
I was the one buried in a pile of tissues, face down on the floor with No Doubt's 'Don't Speak' on repeat. The demise of every relationship was like being hit by a truck, without the luxury of actually dying. At the not-so-tender age of 32 I caught the proverbial wake up. I had been conned; this 'happy ever after' was an ad, a marketing ploy, a sneaky PR campaign and nothing more. It didn't really exist.
So you can imagine my surprise when in September 2007 a serendipitous encounter on the side of a road in Mozambique changed the course of my life and all my previous misgivings about love, forever. Driving to Ponta d'Oura with friends I see a guy who's car is bogged down in the sand. Alone on a solitary surfing mission it turns out, we decide spontaneously to stop and help him. We tow him all the way into Ponta and now we have a son together.
The pair of them embody all that is right with the world (although not always simultaneously). I have big, fat, elephant-sized love for these boys - I adore them with a hugeness that could squash the whole planet. Finn is besotted with his dad and when his baby face lights up as Mike walks in the room, I want to faint with gratitude. They are magnificent beings and their relationship is gorgeous.
I count the blessings for having this in my life, every day. The intensity of motherhood is chronic and unrelenting but having Mike's support allows for Finn to get the best of me. So indestructible is the bond between father and son though, that Finn doesn't need all of me, and that is the holy grail right there. It means there is space for me to breathe, that I can watch proudly from a distance as they do their thing, Finn refusing to even acknowledge my presence during his 'dad and me' time. He's only 1 but he has chosen his hero.
To Mike's credit, he has forged this magnetic attraction through dedication and hard work. Since Finn emerged bloody and bewildered from the womb, Mike has been his greatest advocate and has involved himself in every detail of his care. He has bathed with his son every night since the beginning - as a result, bathtime remains one of Finn's favourite activities (Mike is infinitely more adept at sinking the plastic balls into the mini basketball hoop - I basically suck at that). In the mornings, our baby has a mini meltdown as Mike leaves for work and in the evenings, when his familiar form appears in the doorway, Finn literally falls over himself running to the door. Ante-natal classes, baby books, nappies, night feedings, story time, tears, tantrums, animal noises, doctors, nursery rhymes, Mommy's angst and more - Mike has committed himself to all of these steps with dedication and integrity.
This reliable foundation is turning our son into a confident, brave and independent little man - he relishes life and loves people, grinning widely and with a fullness of heart at absolutely everybody. His energy is like the gravitational pull of a planet and strangers are constantly drawn in, melting visibly as they reach out to fold him into their outstretched arms. He is also fearless, bouyed on by the confidence Mike instills in him and more profoundly, the trust that his Dad is there for him.
To insist that these personality traits are all Nature and no Nurture, is to deny Mike the most fundamental truth: that his dedication to his little boy is helping raise a man.
Just beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud and happy that you have decided to take your writing a step further! Your talent should be shared not only with friends and family, but with the world! I am your biggest fan! Lots of love to you all x
Well done Nats
ReplyDeleteA tender, touching tribute to Mike and Finn. I'm sure they appreciate what a magnificent partner and mother they have. Your little family exudes a sense of great joy and delight in one another - testament to the loving, respectful relationship that you and Mike share together with Finn.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you my darling and eagerly await that first book.
Love you, Mom xx
This is beautiful Natalie!
ReplyDeleteI like your Bio blurb. My uncomfortable truth is I really really really dislike the pregnancy part after suffering from hyperemisis (severe sickness) all the way through both of mine. But it still could never detract from the beautiful babies that followed :)
I'm new to the blogging world, if you have some time pop over to my blog.
http://chaoticultureclan.wordpress.com
Di
Dear Natalie,
ReplyDeleteHope this mail finds you well.
We are writing to you to let you know about how much we love your blog and that we really appreciate what you are doing for the parenting community. We would also love to take this opportunity to let you know about this great initiative that you might want to participate in and share with your friends, family and loved ones.
Dettol is trying to raise funds for the Children’s Hospital Trust, which is an initiative to upgrade medical wards B1 and B2 at the Red Cross War Memorial Children’s Hospital. We are also trying to open up a platform for young mothers to share their knowledge on parenting and good childcare (ranging from infants to toddlers and to teenagers). We will be doing this through the launch of a new South African website for Dettol, as well as utilize social media platforms through an official Facebook page where will be featuring a Q&A section for mothers to communicate and exchange information with regards to parenting news and healthy childcare. We would like to get many mothers, like you, involved and come together to push this fabulous idea.
All of us at Dettol believe that you would be a great brand ambassador as you have a fantastic and insightful parenting blog. We believe you have a great influence on bringing mothers who really care about healthcare together, and that your blog may help us raise the correct awareness of what Dettol is trying to do in the parenting community. We would like to take this opportunity to ask you if we would be able to advertise our mission on your blog? You would be able to do so by letting us advertise via banners that will lead to our website and Facebook page on your blog space and in return we would be able to post direct links to your blog on our Facebook wall. This way your blog and our initiative will gain positive exposure online and gain great status which will help us achieve our good parenting goals and inform others of our great initiative.
Keep up the fantastic work! We are looking forward to hear from you.
Waiting in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
NXT\ Digital Innovation
(Agency for 2012 Dettol Campaign)